For breakfast, the President took a vitamin pill, not knowing it had in it some truth/knowledge serum, which ironically didn't take effect until half-way into his speech, which would cause him to do as Jim Carrey did in Liar, Liar, where he all of a sudden could only blurt out the truth...
I will give you what you need to be safe. I will provide for you. I will be the warrior for you. I'll fight those rascally Republicans who just want the rich to be richer. You students are the economy, this is what it is all about. You are the future. I will forgive your loans if you can't handle them. I will provide for you. It is not right that you should bear these burdens. I will assure a level playing field and that those rich devils don't take advantage of you. I am the protector of the middle class. I will protect you from evil and I will assure you the Great American Dream...
And then suddenly the "truth/knowledge" serum took effect, adding the knowledge that he had been missing. He all of a sudden feels this jolt, and the shift goes into effect immediately, he smiles and then frowns and continues his speaking:
I really do want to do well for you and protect you and provide for you, but I've got to tell you the rest of the story, the complete truth. I've been promising you all these things and criticizing the Republicans so I can stay in office - and, of course, do more good. I am motivated by politics and I have let politics overrule what is good for the people. I let my having to do the Healthcare Act take away our time and effort from the economy, so I truthfully caused harm there. I apologize for my ambition. I wanted to be a historic President, and I did actually believe it was the right thing to do.
I see that I want the government to become larger and stronger and to protect the people, but I now see the enormous cost in dollars and the great loss in our prosperity - and that there is no free lunch, even though I've been offering one.
Yes, I must admit that I have been a Socialist of sorts, trying to balance that off with the rhetoric I've learned about capitalism - and I do think capitism provides the bucks, but that it must be greatly controlled. But I now see that if I control it the way I want to, I will squash it and we'll be worse off. I see the harm it is causing in slower growth, oil drilling limitations that I caused, and much, much more.
I also see that I am doing the very harm of Socialism that I didn't want to do. I see that it will give you a sense of entitlement and a belief that the government will take care of you - and that'll cause a society that is dependent, entitled, and not self-reliant nor strong. It will harm the very thing that made this country what it is today - self-responsibility to create our own prosperity, to do what it takes, without excuses.
I realize that you students have no life experience and that most of you haven't studied economics, so I know I can mislead you into believing the idealistic and romantic. I apologize for this huge transgression, as I realize it is hugely harmful. I realize I was contributing to creating a society of victims, which is so appealing, as we all want someone else to take care of us! And it worked, big time! But it was very harmful.
Oh, and I apologize for putting this country on a path to unbearable debt that would cause you to have to shoulder the burden later with the inevitable very high taxes and alot slower growth, so you'd even be worse off. I am so, so sorry for misleading you. I didn't see that it couldn't all of a sudden work out in a burst of magic where we would grow so much that the debt would be paid off with no one suffering - I was being idealistic and unrealistic - I didn't know better, as I've only been a community organizer, professor, and a state senator, with a little US Senate thrown in - I wasn't prepared, I wasn't ready to be President.
But I realize now that my path would have created so much suffering later, just as it has in Socialist countries.
I apologize for the excuses I've been making and for all the blaming I've done. I didn't want to take the responsibility for the failed negotiations, but I now see that I am at least equally responsible and probably mostly responsible for the failure. I didn't know how to negotiate. I haven't learned this. I'm sorry for not having learned about economics and business and how to run things and negotiate things, but I am doing the best that I can. I have had to bluff alot so you wouldn't see the blows to my ego.
And I'm sorry for being so worried about politics that I wouldn't dare address our two biggest problems, Social Security and Medicare, nor the growing national debt problem [see Actual US Debt].
Oh, and I see that the Republicans are not actually trying to have the rich be richer, but are trying to have business prosper so that we are all better off and that taxes take away money that would have growth be higher - and that is the only way to create a much bigger pie to get our slice of. But it was a great political ploy, wasn't it!?!
I see that my inexperience made me incompetent to do this job [see The Interview], but that I fooled the people so well that they thought a guy with less than 4 years out of being a state senator could somehow be an effective President of the United States - but I also didn't think the other guy was so good either - I think, like me, he would have been a good Senator but the wrong guy for the job of President.
Yes, Romney is actually the best qualified leader ever to run for President, the most capable, tried and tested CEO we've ever had run for President. And, yes, he'll do what he is proven to be extraordinary at: he'll apply proven techniques to make us more efficient and more effective and to do what the Americans need the most to have a society that is responsible and abundant. Yes, I apologize for not knowing how to do this job well, but I have been sincere - and I admit that I've fallen down from doing the best job because I let politics rule.
Yes, you really should elect the guy who can do the job, not some glamour boy or politically clever fellow like me.
We must enter a new age not of politics but of competence so that we can get the job done. I'm just sorry that I am not the one who is capable of doing that...
And then another jolt as the serum wears off:
Uh, uh, forget that. I lost my mind for the moment. Just rely on me and I'll provide plenty for all and I'll protect you and we'll have huge prosperity. Be sure to get out there and vote, we've got to beat those awful, heartless Republicans...